I know it has been a long time since I have written anything. I have felt overwhelmed and honestly just did not want to engage in the world.
With it being a wet and rainy day here in Queen Creek today I am just reflecting before it is time to go off into the night of Monday night Bible study. I am thinking about Pastor Graeme’s sermon yesterday… and REPENTANCE..
When you hear the word REPENT what does it conjure up in your mind? I bet if your like most people I know that means punishment on the other side. When did it all change for me? When did REPENT stop meaning being punished or banished to something different? I don’t know exactly maybe it was a few years ago when I was standing in a local Fry’s grocery store with my oxygen machine struggling to breathe at the check out stand and I heard God say “Sandy, come on home to me.. I won’t punish you but I want to heal you, here is what I need for you to do (which was to ask the elders of the church to pray over me.” I know that as I walked through that process I struggled with all kinds of things and yet in the end I am being healed… All I know is that I am looking at this differently today. Today Repentance is healing.. It is getting to be in the presence and relationship with God (and others) that is not about should of’s, could of’s, or would of’s … today it’s simply about being loved enough for God to say “Come on home, I am not going to punish you I want to love you”
I was asked once about if you could go back and do it all over again would you do the same job? YES!!! I have spent the last week when I got a really not so good diagnosis from the doctor on my neck and spine about that question. For the last few days now I have been wrestling with that very question. Would I of done it any differently if I could go back and do it? NO, I would do it the exact same way I did. I did my job to the best that I could often times understaffed and underpaid. And even now with all that there is wrong with my body I would tell you the same thing I would do it again. Why? Because I knew that from an early age it was what I was the only thing that made me happy. (at that time)…
So do I repent for that no… But what I do know is that God has me in the palm of His hand and He will walk with me through this to. Just like He has walked with me through every thing else (good and bad, and if I knew it or not). When you stop and think about it God’s hand has got to be pretty big to have everyone in it.
I love the Lord, and I desire to love Him more. Like a wild horse has to be tamed sometimes so do I. He knows that I desire to run wild and free but He also knows that I love to curl up and snuggle close to Daddy and just be loved.
My 52 years on this earth have only gone to reinforce in me how grateful I am that I am His. No matter what happens He is there holding my hand, and walking me through each step.
No matter where you end up in life we all end up at the same place sooner or later. We can say we are not (or we can say we will have ourselves frozen so that when they find the cure then they can bring us back to life to avoid thinking about the after life) but in the end we will all stand before the Lord. He offered the repentance out of love did you take it or did you stay gone?
As a friend of mine has written I want to get lost in Your Love God. That is what I want today. I want to be forever lost in His love. Won’t you join me in being lost in the love of a a Father who cares so much for us to help us and run after us and call us to get out of harms way not so to punish us but in fact just so that He can love on us some more???