Great White Throne

Way to good and important not to reblog.

I pray that this shows all of someday we will all come before the great white throne. What will your answer be????

Men of One Accord

Before the Great White Throne
prostrate I now fall,
for all my life I screamed
There is No God at All!
Oh the fool I did play
claiming where is this Christ
day by day!
A carless man I have been
in fornication and with wealth
I did boldly sin!
A reckless soul of greed
never giving always taking
never doing any good deed.
Prideful, lustful, envious, anger
are my accusers
no time for a babe in a manger!
No time for the Man of Sorrows,
Truth I could not hear
cruel, unmerciful, stoney heart,
cold to the marrow!
with perfect Justice,
found guilty,
no mercy I shall receive,
no grace how can this be!
Before the Great White Throne
prostrate I crawl
lamenting, sniffing, whimpering,
Jesus, JESUS!
Thundering from the Great White Throne
in all…

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God are you there??? I am stressed to the Max

That has been how I feel these last few weeks.  I actually thought once graduation was over things would slow down I would have my surgery and recover.  Instead, my life has been anything but… It has been an emotional roller coaster.  On the 2nd of June I saw my primary care doctor to get all the clearances that I needed prior to surgery. (I will be having 1 of 3 surgeries on my neck starting in July.)  In I walk to get the orders for what I thought would be a simple series of blood draws and EKG and maybe a chest x-ray.  What I was not expecting was out of my own mouth the words when the doctor said that he wanted me to see a cardiologist for a complete work up.  Out of this mouth comes “If that is what you want then let’s do it”  To which I watch as he rips up the EKG order .  So the following Monday I am sitting in the cardiologist office and I realize that I am really getting irritated by the staff there.  I have 3 people asking me questions and 1 trying to get my blood pressure and another trying to get an EKG (yes can we say in my mind very much confused)….  So after all that is accomplished in walks the doctor and he tells me that I have something called Left Branch Bundle Block and that it could be nothing or it could be something..  As he is asking questions he stops and he says “where are you from?” I respond “Philadelphia Pa. why do you ask?” and his serious response is “because every question I have asked you so far you give me this east coast wtf look.”   Then he explains the LBBB and “he says well let’s do this complete work up” I agree and so he says “have a seat in the check out room and someone will call you.”   So I go sit in this room with about 20 other people and I send a friend a text that says “I don’t want you with me when I do the paperwork because I get quite snappy”  and she writes back I will show you how to be Jesus in those situations. So, I send another text telling her about this east coast wtf look to which she says that I do it a lot and it is a cute look.   More on this later…I am sure…

So here I go… a 2 part stress test, and echocardiogram .  Each test interesting in their own way and their own personal reactions. My 1st reaction was that this is really stupid and then on the echo was “let me get home to shower please.”  There were lots of reflections here.  One because I am heavy they were not sure I would be able to do the stress test and go through the machine (which looked like an MRI machine but it had a camera attached.).  I do and there is no problem.  Although my attitude is in desperate need of an adjustment.

On the day of the echocardiogram my mother thought she was having a heart attack in the middle of the night and instead of waking me or asking me to drive her she drove herself at about 2:30 am and they kept her (now we are a 1 car house and she did not call me she sends me a text at 3:20 am telling me that she was at the hospital and they kept her.  OK can we say livid beyond all measure…  I manage to get a ride to the hospital and when we walked in I asked what and why and she said because I did not talk to her right. All this stress for me on the day I am to have an echocardiogram right?  I get a text from a friend that tells me to go worship and give my all to God.. I went home and I really tried to do that.  It was not easy but I was able to do it somewhat.. So I go get dressed for the test and I go take the test.  I have to come home and shower because I have ultrasound gel from the top of my neck to below my belly button. (I have since found out that sexual abuse survivors all do the same thing after they have  had any ultrasound..well that is good to know).

Tuesday I took part 2 of the stress test which is to where I exercise.  Ok so my starting blood pressure is 120/80 and they inject me with this drug to stimulate exercise and my blood pressure drops to 110/70 and 3 min later it goes to 118/78.  This I am sure is not normal. But the tester said it was nothing to worry about.  The only “symptom” I experienced was feeling like I was doing “poppers” (a drug you inhale).

So now I wait.  I have an appointment Monday at 11:20 am AZ time.  The longer I wait the more I stress.  There are some other things that have been happening since then as well.  However the only thing that I can really do is just worship.  There are a good number of things that are way beyond my control.  I like control (I make list’s to go grocery shopping and I don’t like not shopping without it).  I like being able to control the events that are happening to me. Since Monday night I have slept maybe 3 hours a night. It becomes very difficult to trust that  God has this all in His view.  I feel like I am the dice in his crap game.  While I know I am in His hands I still feel like the dice He is using.  I know that He has this all worked out and yet I still feel lost.  One more thing happened and because I am a literal thinker it is really hard for me to stay out of my literal brain with regards to this one thing and that is one of my mentors has decided that we have reached the end of our mentoring season and that Holy Spirit has released her, although our deep relationship will continue mentoring won’t (and honestly I don’t know what that is to look like then and it has to come at this time.) So my literal brain wants to kick in and say all kinds of things and I am trying to simply trust that what God has said is true and what my friend has said is true.  I am not sure if it is the enemy or a combination of the enemy and my literal brain.  At any rate these last weeks since graduation have been anything but slow-paced and laid back.  Yet God has given me 2 Samuel 22 (entire chapter and I have read it in several translations and like the Message the best.  feel free to read it on your own) and He is given me something to do and especially when I get into literal brain mode.

He is there and He is listening to me cry out and He is responding just like the loving Father that He is.  While this is not easy for me and things are not in my control just now I am still His daughter and He loves me deeply.
When it comes down to it every thing is a matter of trusting. The Lord has shown me that I am in fact up to this next season and all that I have to do is put 1 foot in front of the other and take that 1st step and I will either free fall or I will have the ground put at my feet.  So, I am really truly trying to do just that and to be honest some days are way easier than others over these last weeks.

Just 1 more thing here is a song that God is given me as well.

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So, for the last 9 months I have been a student through the Master’s Institute School of Ministry (out of Minnesota USA for anyone who may feel led to go back to school.)

This was a hard road many times in many different ways.  Starting with when I got in the truck to go to class I drove 82 miles 1 way every week and living here in AZ during the winter months with the snowbirds who would come out of the woodwork.   Ok so I overcame that battle by leaving early (instead of leaving at 4 and getting there by 6:30 often frazzled, I left at 2 and was there by 3:15 and I could relax, grab dinner and just chill out.The ride home was often times more reflective and with a focus on  God.

Then there was the thinking that I knew all of this stuff because I had been privileged to sit under these teachers elsewhere..  This is where God worked on me the most and taught me to always remain humble and be in Him.  His love and grace smothered me during this insane times is so humbling.  I learned a lot more than I knew because I asked God to change my heart and open my ears and He was faithful and did so.  God is so good to us His children.

Then of course their were the assignments that I could not do and wanted to quit class right then.  I learned that in surrendering to Him those things He ALWAYS showed up at just the right moment and the project and assignment got done just in time..  Always looking out for His children (even when we get in the way He will work it out for our good). I have to admit that these are some of the neatest areas that God revealed to me the most important lessons.  You see, He helped me heal in the area of past woundedness and allowed me to be free.  So in Him I am free.

Ok these are just a few areas of how God moved me.  There are many more areas to share but God has not allowed me to do that just yet.

So, I don’t know what the next step is going to be except for now it is a time of rest and healing for me.  Then Father and I will discuss what is next after this season.  SO below enjoy the pictures of me getting my diploma and the 3 people who without their support and encouragement and prayers I could not of done this.  Back row are 2 of my mentors and the front row is me and my mom.

recieving the diploma gradutation picture

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Long Overdue

I know it has been a long time since I have written anything.  I have felt overwhelmed and honestly just did not want to engage in the world.

With it being a wet and rainy day here in Queen Creek today I am just reflecting before it is time to go off into the night of Monday night Bible study.  I am thinking about Pastor Graeme’s sermon yesterday… and REPENTANCE..

When you hear the word REPENT what does it conjure up in your mind?  I bet if your like most people I know that means punishment on the other side. When did it all change for me?  When did REPENT stop meaning being punished or banished to something different?   I don’t know exactly maybe it was a few years ago when I was standing in a local Fry’s grocery store with my oxygen machine struggling to breathe at the check out stand and I heard God say “Sandy, come on home to me..  I won’t punish you but I want to  heal you, here is what I need for you to do (which was to ask the elders of the church to pray over me.” I know that as I walked through that process I struggled with all kinds of things and yet in the end I am being healed…   All I know is that I am looking at this differently today.  Today Repentance is healing..  It is getting to be in the presence and relationship with God (and others) that is not about should of’s, could of’s, or would of’s … today it’s simply about being loved enough for God to say “Come on home, I am not going to punish you I want to love you”

I was asked once about if you could go back and do it all over again would you do the same job?  YES!!!  I have spent the last week when I got a really not so good diagnosis from the doctor on my neck and spine about that question.   For the last few days now I have been wrestling with that very question.   Would I of done it any differently if I could go back and do it?  NO, I would do it the exact same way I did.  I did my job to the best that I could often times understaffed and underpaid.  And even now with all that there is wrong with my body I would tell you the same thing I would do it again.  Why?  Because I knew that from an early age it was what I was the only thing that made me happy.  (at that time)…

So do I repent for that no… But what I do know is that God has me in the palm of His hand and He will walk with me through this to. Just like He has walked with me through every thing else (good and bad, and if I knew it or not).  When you stop and think about it God’s hand has got to be pretty big to have everyone in it.

I love the Lord, and I desire to love Him more.  Like a wild horse has to be tamed sometimes so do I.   He knows that I desire to run wild and free but He also knows that I love to curl up and snuggle close to Daddy and just be loved.

My 52 years on this earth have only gone to reinforce in me how grateful I am that I am His.  No matter what happens He is there holding my hand, and walking me through each step.

No matter where you end up in life we all end up at the same place sooner or later.  We can say we are not (or we can say we will have ourselves frozen so that when they find the cure then they can bring us back to life to avoid thinking about the after life) but in the end we will all stand before the Lord.  He offered the repentance out of love did you take it or did you stay gone?

As a friend of mine has written I want to get lost in Your Love God.  That is what I want today.  I want to be forever lost in His love.  Won’t you join me in being lost in the love of a a Father who cares so much for us to help us and run after us and call us to get out of harms way not so to punish us but in fact just so that He can love on us some more???

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The Charles Schulz Philosophy

When I read this it is very powerful indeed…. Reblogged from morningstoryanddilbert.

Morning Story and Dilbert

Morning Story and Dilbert Vintage Dilbert
January 3, 2003

The following inspirational quiz is often called the Charles Schulz Philosophy or sometimes Charlie Brown’s Philosophy. It’s not actually written by him, although the quote at the bottom is from a peanuts cartoon. Enjoy the following quiz.
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.


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Moving into 2015

So here it is 2015…

For me 2014 held a good many discussions and a lot of God changes.  While not all were  pleasant changes God was the Gentleman that He always is and He moved me mightily along…  Probably the hardest challenge for me in 2014 was learning to disengage from electronics and trust the Maker of my life.  Yesterday I deleted 250, 000 (yes the number is accurate) emails that I had saved and cancelled 30 on line subscriptions and even managed to reduce the number of “good reads”(on line devotions from 45 to 4)…  God is a God of order.  One of the 1st assignments my mentor gave me in 2014 (she actually gave it in 2013 but she was not my mentor then but a friend)…  So she told me to disengage with emails and computer, disengage from the phone… It took nearly 1 year but I think I can safely say progress has been made…

The last week of 2014 God revealed what He was going to at least do in the beginning of 2015 and it had to be dealt with before the stoke of the midnight clock.  Lets say that for 48-72 hours deep tears fell and fell and fell…  While for now God is asking me not to share it publicly it will be both a letting go and also a deep, deep, deep wound healing.   It will grow me ready for ministry and  with more confidence.  I ask that you hold me in prayer as I walk through this time…  It will require upright boldness and a level of trust with both God and others to walk through this to the other side.

So, as we are into day 2 of 2015 God is saying for me to lean into Him with all of me..

No resolutions will I make because they don’t matter.  What God is asking of me is to trust Him in the piercing and trust Him in the healing…

May 2015 bring you my readers (and many my friends) a life that God wants you to have.  May you let go of the quick and go for the deep.  May God be the highlight of your day.

Thanks for reading and commenting in 2014 and may each of you read and enjoy in 2015.

“And I am sure of this: that the One who began a good work among you will keep it growing until it is completed on the Day of the Messiah Yeshua” (Philippians 1:6 complete Jewish Bible)

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George Bailey Syndrome

So I am doing a lot of reflecting these last few days…  Most of my life I have not had a great deal of friends.  Oh don’t get me wrong I had friends I had and have some good Christian friends on the other side of the country and I do not want to imply that I don’t have any good friends I also had “Friends” when they wanted something I could help them with they were there and yes I helped…thinking well God will expect me to do this for them so.. and then they would leave or I would say something stupid and blow the relationship up… thinking I was helping in some way… To be honest a lot of the offenders came from the church (but that is a whole other story for a later time)….  I want to talk about George Bailey Syndrome and what that means for me…

In the year of 2014 I have been awakened to and realized how many friends I have… Not pass by night friends but real friends… Friends who when I am sick will jump on a plane and visit me… Friends who I know are struggling come and deliver precious gifts at Christmas knowing that none can be returned.   Friends who choose to take an entire day off  of work to spend with me on my birthday (giving up roughly $250 or more for the day)…  Classmates who tell other classmates that they have to share me…  Friends who can tell based on a generic text if I am ok or not and friends who when they ask if I am ok want an honest answer.. Friends who know when I say I am FINE and friends who can look at me in a church service and know not in a good place and will hunt me down to talk….

Scripture says that God is such a friend to us…  Every one of these people I have described above is God with human skin on….   Do I deserve it?  Probably not…. Do I try to be the friend to them that they are to me YES, I do… do I often blow it you bet… But you know the best thing is that these people still love me right where I am..

When, life and sickness takes its toll on me and the rage of steroids begins to flare its ugly head and I get into a cycle of pity and I think I am unloved, or uncared about God will send a text message that simply says “Sandy I love you, you are my bestest and truest friend” or another saying “when we get together tomorrow we will have a wonderful time all day” or “Sandy, you are such a blessing and I love you” or “beautiful lady, I love you”  or another “Sandy, just want you to know I love you and am thinking about you”   or another friend who will call me up and say “pray with me because I know you care and will”  or another who will love me despite the endless mistakes I make and the blowing ups I do….  And on a Sunday morning in church people looking for me because they have not gotten a hug from me in 3 weeks and did not want another week to go by without a Sandy hug…

Yes, as Clarence the angel told George Bailey your life is rich because you have friends…  Clarence the angel would tell me,  “Yes, Sandy Anderson your life is rich because you have friends….  But more than that Sandy you have a Father who loves you and has sent you these dear friends….  Love them, and let them love you because they have only 1 interest to be God with skin on..”

So, as I stop a moment and reflect of how blessed I am really I just want to say thank you to the people who God has given me to love me in spite of me and my broken ways…. And as I sometimes forget that I blow it I am thankful for the grace and mercy shown to me each time I blow it…

But the biggest is that Jesus is closer than a brother and the deepest forever friend I have…  Just saying

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