So, many of you know that on July 8th I underwent my 1st neck surgery (have 2 more to go) but am sure that God will continue to transform me into the person He desires. I can tell you that the procedure at least at this point was successful. I have some new discs in my neck and they have been fused as well. While the surgery was successful so was the beginning of my transformation. As I noted in a “God are you there” the Lord made it very clear that my attitude needed to change. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed (and lets be honest I also fought a great deal and it is interesting that God showed me clearly that I would not go into the hospital the same when I leave.) God is the author and finisher of my life and my transformations..
There were many issues and many trials and I have to confess it was not easy but it was easier than I thought. I actually can say that God’s promises are true. Philippians 1:6 tells us that “He who has begun a good work in you will see it to completion” I love that He was very clear to me with regards to what would take place.
So, I was the most pleasant person waking up from surgery.. (I ended up on a bi-pap machine because my lungs were slow to come up after surgery and I went into a bit of respiratory distress)… But when they woke me up I was not harsh or angry or argumentative as I have been known to be… I think my 1st question was what happened? and why this? But I can truly say this I was even amazed….And that was just day 1.
I was to experience many changes that can only be attributed to God and His promise that I would be changed. Because i can tell you the entire time I was in the hospital and then the rehab center that I went to for an additional 3 weeks was such that it could not be me. I actually had 2 friends call other people and tell them that “Sandy is letting them walk all over her, they changed her PT and OT times yet again and Sandy isn’t even the slightest bit upset and she needs to be. She needs to stand up for herself. Will you please talk to her about these things.” Can you imagine my friends thoughts on this? TO be honest I can tell you that these acts would of normally sent me over the edge.
Even in the hospital when I was moved to a different floor and it became obvious almost instantly that there was a shift in the atmosphere and neither the nurse or the aide on duty seemed to really care about anything and every time they entered my room there was an instant shift that it was like being on an icy barge or something and when I had to wait like 45 min for someone to help me out of bed to go to the bathroom or getting a blanket or pain meds, I did pray for these two ladies. Once the next shift started I found out that the 2 ladies (one from Germany and the other from Russia and neither spoke English well) but they were feuding with each other and thereby not being available for their patients. Well I can tell you this… in the past I would of actually either gotten out of the bed on my own (despite being hooked up to all kinds of gadgets.) and I would of ranted and banged and all kinds of things til I got the help I needed. What took place instead was simply I waited and I prayed. I prayed for the 2 ladies and I prayed asking Father to bless them. God answered my prayers.
I need to say that these changes have not gone completely flawless because just days before the surgery my mom and I had a huge blow up and I overheard her friend say “well lets see how her friends deal with her true colors… she can’t keep snowing everyone” thankfully I took that fight to the Lord and told Him that I wanted to be different and I wanted to be the Godly woman He was desiring me to become and I want it to be shown so that I can’t fake it or manufacture the change on my own. No matter what others think I want to be the woman God desires me to be and with His help I accomplished so much more. My family may still think I am snowing everyone but I do not care because I know that He who began a good work in me will see it to completion. He has changed me and it is not a lie. I am not the same person I was but it isn’t up to me to prove that point either. My fruits are the proof and if the fruit is there God is my defender. Because He is my defender and He is my transformer.
My prayer is that they will truly trust that God is at work in me and that I know that God loves me beyond all measure and that He has completely transformed me (not to what they think God should transform me to but in fact what God wants me to be transformed to be.) None of this can be done on my own accord and I pray that my family will begin to understand that. But if they don’t that is not my issue either because Jesus’s own family thought He was nuts and wanted Him put away. It is not up to me to make them understand what God is doing in my life and they don’t need to know better because God has not revealed His plan for my life to them. While I would like it if they would I can not force them nor will I. I only know that God is my defender.
I still have at least 1 other surgery and so I will look forward to where He takes me this time… To end this when I was due to be discharged from the rehab facility the PT and OT staff, the nursing staff and even the housekeeping staff begged me to stay (and even begged their supervisors and 2 doctors to find a way for me to stay a few more weeks.)