When we are broken and destroyed we look at life from the perspective that nothing matters so we need to just go away. Yet often times we are still here. I remember one of the 10 times I tried to commit suicide because I was lost and hopeless. I was at work it was 3am and there were only 2 of us on the job. I was the medication supervisor for the night. I had to go through the month’s medications and return the medication of those who were now deceased. I all of a sudden was hit by a strong urgency of “You really do want to die, and there is enough stuff here for you to do that. The other person on the floor that night would not even notice but God well He had other plans. While I did swallow enough pills to kill 2 elephants and 3 men (as the ER doctor stated) I was found by a state aide who really was there to investigate the nursing home. Not only that, but God made sure that it was someone who knew me personally. So, while I may have lost my job for this He made sure that I stayed alive.
This incident was back in the 1980s sometime but that was not the 1st and there were to be a couple more attempts to end my life. See it was simple, I wanted to die. I hurt, my life sucked, and I was desperate to finish it. I was in a hotel room with a 9mm gun in my hand shortly after this experience and I said “Ok God if You are real then please send someone into my life before I pull the trigger” and He did. There was a pastor hitting the doors of the hotel(a known hotel for crime). He only said this one phrase “I just want to tell you God loves you and He has a plan for your life.” Well.. I knew I could not commit suicide that night. I laid on the bed, weeping and asking God to please come and take the hurt away. It was the beginning of the process that God arranged to change me, to change my life to become like His.
Each day, my life is being repaired and renewed by Him because of His love and for His bidding. Is it easy? No, it is hard and it is some times deliberate pain, but it is grace filled that changes my life. Today, the yuck of the past is gone. It is remembered as a part of a time as a lost child. When I stand before God He sees me as His own today.
Are you hurting today? Do you want peace? Not shortcuts or loads of money but do you want peace? Then come , come to the cross and let Jesus heal your wounds. He will heal them, He will bandage you and He will make you whole. It will take time. It doesn’t all happen over night (though some does). He promises to be with you and never leave you. He also promises to have your back. These things took place in my life a long time ago and through the years I have learned to lean on Jesus Christ for everything. He is the answer to all that I struggle with. And even if I have issues a day with Him with problems is so much better than a day without Him with no problems. I won’t tell you that you won’t experience life hurts or hurt and dissolved relationships or stuff like that I will tell you He won’t be the one that walks away. He will be there!
2 Corinthians 5:17 Living Bible (TLB)
17 When someone becomes a Christian, he becomes a brand new person inside. He is not the same anymore. A new life has begun!
1 Corinthians 10:13 Living Bible (TLB)
13 But remember this—the wrong desires that come into your life aren’t anything new and different. Many others have faced exactly the same problems before you. And no temptation is irresistible. You can trust God to keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it, for he has promised this and will do what he says. He will show you how to escape temptation’s power so that you can bear up patiently against it
God will provide a way out for you if you only cry out to Him. He will prove He is real and will prove His love for you. So, if you don’t know God please ask Him today to show Himself to you.